it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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