I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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