my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
