cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
