I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
