Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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