you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
