And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
