Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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