I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
