Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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