1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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