I need help removing her.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
