I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
