My hand turned me down
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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