So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
