North Korea, Best Korea!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
