i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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