I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
