Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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