Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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