dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
