No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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