I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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