I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
