I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
