ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
