Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize