We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
