East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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