he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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