I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
