I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
