I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
