I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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