she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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