im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
