she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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