I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
