Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
