I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
