Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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