Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
