rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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