cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
