I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
