just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
