I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
