I want to stick my p in your. b.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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