i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
