What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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