i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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