pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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