did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
