I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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