im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
