it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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