i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
