ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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