Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
