Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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