Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
how does that bad decision feel?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
