plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
