So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
