Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
