Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
