I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
