Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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