being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
