upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I just put wine in my tea
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
