I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
