I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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