she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
